Choices
by Kira Aome
Summary: Inu-Yasha transforms, hurting Kagome. He must chose to leave her or try to live with the guilt.


Kagome watched helplessly as Inu-Yasha was thrown to the ground once again by his elder brother. Sesshomaru had no mercy as he attacked again and again. A sneer passed over his lips. "My dear Inu-Yasha, you will not survive this time."  
  
The hanyou staggered to his feet, wiping the blood from his chin. He glared hatefully at the full demon, his eyes blazing. "You have some confidence, considering how you've never come close to killing me," he chuckled. His grip on the Tetsusaiga loosened considerably, but he tried not to let it show. It didn't help. Even Kagome noted his weakness. Sesshomaru smiled calmly.  
  
"I have no intention of failing, little brother. This time, I want to kill you. So I will." He lunged, his Tokijin flashing ominously. The evil aura flashed before the sword, slamming into Inu-Yasha. A flaming light flared around the screaming hanyou. For a moment, Kagome thought he might die. The light dimmed, revealing a still body on the ground, a rusty sword stuck in the blood-sodden soil.  
  
Sesshomaru prepared to sheathe his blade, a confident smile on his lips. He opened his mouth to speak to his dead brother, but froze, his face gone pale. Kagome stared helplessly at Inu-Yasha's body, tears streaming down her cheeks. Suddenly, the tears stopped and she too noticed that one of Inu-Yasha's hands still moved.  
  
A strong wind kicked up, carrying an acidic stench swirling around the demon and the human girl. Kagome flinched away for a moment, aware that Inu-Yasha was about to transform. It took only a moment for her to regain her confidence. Ignoring the dangerous foe who stood so near to her, she ran to help her friend.  
  
Her fingers grazed the ancient cloth that wrapped the hilt of the powerful blade, and she felt more certain that she could help. She had just gotten the blade pulled from its position in the ground when she became aware of the being standing behind her.  
  
Turning with fear easily read in her eyes, she saw that her fears had been confirmed. Inu-Yasha had not died, but he was close enough. His human soul was asleep beneath the violent demon blood that was coursing too strongly in his veins. The half-demon looked at her, his eyes glowing wildly. Kagome backed away, holding the sword in front of her like a shield. As though he sensed the sword's power to bring his weaker side back to the surface, he moved away. Kagome felt her knees loosen, and she fell to the ground, relieved.  
  
Inu-Yasha raced at his brother, claws drawn. He didn't seem to have a reason, just wanted to kill him. Sesshomaru was close to fear. He had expected this, though had hoped against it for the sake of an honest kill. Yet his own adrenalin was pumping fast, keeping swift to preserve his life. The battle had turned badly.  
  
Sesshomaru was tired of the fight. He began striking out blindly, giving and receiving blows. Inu-Yasha kept coming, as though he didn't care if he lost. It was true then, the youkai thought, he truly was fated to lose his soul. It was the last conscious thought Sesshomaru had before his half- brother leaped above his head and planted his talons deep within the older demon's chest.  
  
Inu-Yasha stood, body heaving from the exertion spent on the battle. He chuckled as he saw the blood that caked his fingers. He tensed and his eyes shifted. He still wanted more. The power was intoxicating, and he wanted a stronger blast from it. He wanted to find something else to kill. A soft cry came from behind him. He spun, expectantly waiting for the rush to come back.  
  
The glowing red eyes fixed on Kagome's trembling form. She had seen the battle, one of the worst he had had in his transformation. She froze, unable to get away, unable to do anything but wait for the pounce that was assuredly coming. It came, and she was thrown down on her back, helplessly looking up at him. He crouched down, his eyes gleaming. His fangs flashed as he opened his lips. A raspy chuckle wafted around her head as he leaned closer. Her heart beat wildly, and she was sure from his pleased expression that he could smell her fear.  
  
He sniffed, bringing his nose closer to her. She trembled as she felt the burning air snuffing on her cheeks. She looked at him one last time, every emotion in her heart clearly printed on her face. She said goodbye in her gaze, loving him despite the present circumstances. Then she clenched her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the end.  
  
But it never came. Kagome was still frozen in place, afraid to move and end the eternal moment that kept her alive. The sniffing stopped and Inu- Yasha's head went down to her shoulder. Kagome felt his lips against her throat and held her breath.  
  
Inu-Yasha curled his fingers around her arms, absently digging his claws into the soft flesh. He buried his nose into her hair, soft grunting sounds echoing in his chest. Tenderly, he nipped at her neck. Kagome stared at the top of his head, watching his ears curve back against his hair. What was he doing? she wondered. She tried to sit up to get a better look at his face, but he shoved her back, snarling viciously. She winced as he truly did bite into her shoulder. When he was satisfied that she would obey him, he settled again.  
  
Sesshomaru painfully lifted his head. It was a miracle that he was still alive. What had happened? He was supposed to have killed Inu-Yasha, not be shoved to the ground by him. He stumbled to his feet, feeling sharp pain in his one arm as the split bone ends rubbed against each other. He glared over at his half-brother.  
  
The aristocratic youkai smiled, an evil gleam in his eyes. His brother's soul was truly lost, for he was eating his own woman. He moved closer, a sick desire to watch the gore filling him.  
  
Inu-Yasha's head came up with a snap. He pressed the girl's head closer to him as he looked up at the intruder. Sesshomaru would have spat on him, this lowlife who lay gorging himself in a cannibalistic manner. The girl moved her head, gasping for air when it touched her lips. Sesshomaru was shocked. Why was she still alive? How was it possible? He could see a trail of blood on the half-breed's chin. It was impossible.  
  
Kagome tried to move her arms, which were being crushed to her sides. Inu- Yasha turned his attention from his brother back to her. Gently, he set her on the grass, releasing her. At any other time, she might have looked for a sign of tenderness in his eyes. Not now. But he was gentle. It was more than could be said about his feelings for Sesshomaru.  
  
In an instant, he was up again, going for his half-brother again. Kagome sat up, watching Sesshomaru dodge and strike. Inu-Yasha fought in a frenzy, not noticing that his blows had no affect. Sesshomaru laughed, the cold sound giving Kagome the shivers. Inu-Yasha paused, his arms swaying as he prepared to strike again.  
  
Sesshomaru stared scornfully at his brother. "I still don't understand why you can't kill this girl, but you still lack the calmness to kill me. I thought for a moment that I might be in danger. You're still weak." He stepped aside as the crazed hanyou made a swipe at him. Still chuckling, he leaped into the air. "I will kill you, Inu-Yasha. Be assured of that." He hovered, as though he wanted Inu-Yasha to follow.  
  
Inu-Yasha made a lunge, but tripped due to his lack of blood. He clutched at everything his hands came in contact with as he floundered in the dirt, throwing random objects at Sesshomaru. His hands came around a blade. Tetsusaiga.  
  
For a moment, he froze, his face full of shock. Both Sesshomaru and Kagome stilled, watching. Inu-Yasha slumped, his breathing becoming labored. Weakly, he gripped his sword. As though it gave him strength, he stumbled back up to his feet. Glaring hatefully, he watched Sesshomaru land before him.  
  
The hanyou stood before his youkai half-brother, chest heaving. He made a lunge. Sesshomaru darted to Kagome's side without a moment's hesitation. He caught her arm behind her back, almost using her as a shield. Inu-Yasha was stunned into stillness. He stared in horror as his brother lowered his face to Kagome's shoulder.  
  
Kagome couldn't move, the pain in her arm was too excruciating. She wanted to cry when she felt the youkai's hot breath on her neck. Cautiously, he pressed his nose against her skin. He inhaled, though never taking his eyes from his younger brother. He caught the scent he was expecting: Inu- Yasha's. Finding his answer, he shoved Kagome away from him. He chuckled softly, a sneer forming on his aristocratic lips.  
  
"So, I understand now," he murmured, watching as Inu-Yasha hurried to Kagome's side. A shared hatred flashed between their eyes. Sesshomaru hovered above them, preparing to fly away. "Now I understand why you can treat her like you do, even in your transformation." Still laughing, he flew away.  
  
"Damn you, Sesshomaru!" Inu-Yasha screamed at his retreating sibling. Kagome held his sleeve. Inu-Yasha spun around, glaring at her. "Let me go, you idiot!" he yelled as he struggled to get away. "He's not getting away with hurting you!"  
  
Kagome stood, her fingers gripping the strong cloth. She didn't argue with him, just looked at him. He calmed as he caught her eyes, confused by the pain he read in them. Kagome looked away, unable to tell the truth, unable to lie.  
  
Inu-Yasha pulled his robes from her hands, startling her. He lifted a gentle hand to inspect her wounds and immediately noticed the blood on his hands. He stiffened as he brought his hand to his face. Kagome realized that he was going to know what had happened. She made a move to pull his hand away, but was too late. His nostrils flared and his face became filled with self-loathing.  
  
"I.I did this?" he asked, fury only barely masked by his trembling voice. Kagome could not look into his eyes. She felt too much guilt. Darting her eyes to check his expression, she hung her head further down.  
  
"It was my fault, Inu-Yasha," she said softly, her head spinning from fear. "I got in the way, and." He cut her off by grabbing her upper arms, forgetting the wounds he had inflicted earlier. He shook her hard, snapping her head.  
  
"Don't lie to me, Kagome," he snarled. "I know I did it, and I probably enjoyed it when I did!" He saw her flinch, and released her arms. He stared hard at the blood that made his hands a sticky mess. Kagome moved toward him, wanting to hug him, to make sure he was still the same. He jumped back, putting several feet between them.  
  
"Stay away, Kagome," he growled, looking at the ground so she wouldn't see how much it hurt him to say that. It hurt her to, and he could acutely smell her tears beginning to form. "I don't want to hurt you," he said more softly, wanting to hold her, to make things all right. Before he lost to his emotions, he launched into the air, leaving her to stare after him.  
  
She stood, watching the sky long after he was gone. Slumping to her knees, she allowed her tears to wash over her. So overcome by pain was she, that she did not notice when her other friends arrived, rushing to her side.  
  
"Kagome! Where is Inu-Yasha?" Miroku and Sango came up beside her, Sango wrapping her arms around the crying girl. The demon-slayer shook her head when Miroku indicated the drying blood. He nodded with understanding, but opened his mouth and did far more damage. The monk touched Kagome's shoulder, concern on his face. "Is he.was the battle final?" he asked quietly, trying to be as gentle as possible.  
  
Kagome sat in a daze, her eyes scanning the sky for Inu-Yasha. She blinked as she recognized comforting pressure on her shoulder. Tearfully, she turned to look at the concerned faces of her friends. "He left me," she whispered, her body shaking as she tried to keep the tears inside.  
  
Shippo climbed into her lap, wanting to comfort her. He looked up into her face, and snuggled closer. "Don't cry, Kagome," he said cheerfully. "He'll come back soon." Kagome would normally be calmed by this, but now his words were like knives. Tears came again, and she couldn't help herself. Miroku pulled the kitsune away from the distraught girl and walked a short distance for privacy sake.  
  
Myoga popped his head up from behind Shippo's ear. "What is going on, monk?" he asked, preparing to bite Miroku's arm. The young monk sighed heavily as he brushed the flea demon to the ground.  
  
"Inu-Yasha has left Kagome," he explained calmly. Shippo wanted his moment of attention as well. "He even hurt her!" he said much too loudly. Kagome flinched and hunched her shoulders over, sinking deeper within herself. Sango glared at the three males as she continued to comfort her friend. The culprits flushed guiltily and lowered their voices.  
  
Myoga stared at the little kitsune. "How are you able to tell if Lord Inu- Yasha harmed Kagome?" he asked, shocked that he had not noticed it himself. Shippo rolled his eyes.  
  
"Sesshomaru only has one arm, and Kagome has cuts on both her shoulders." He paused, feeling uncomfortable. "She also has that funny smell on her that Inu-Yasha gets when he goes crazy."  
  
The flea-demon seemed startled. "There is no way she could have that scent about her! That would mean." He looked fearfully over at Kagome, sweat dripping off his face. Miroku looked down at him with interest.  
  
"Myoga, what is it that bothers you so?" he asked, scratching his head in curiosity. "Why can't she have that scent about her?" He crouched down and plucked the ancient demon between his fingers. He squeezed gently, waiting for an answer. He did not have to wait long.  
  
The answer he got made him start. He threw the demon to the ground, disgust and disbelief on his face. "How dare you say such things!" he bellowed. "You have no place to say that!" He made to step on Myoga, but wasn't fast enough to catch him. The flea leaped onto Kagome's shoulder, hoping to be safe there.  
  
Kagome looked over at Miroku, confused. "What are you talking about," she asked. Her face was blank of understanding. She looked at the others expectantly, wanting to comprehend what they were talking about. Miroku blushed.  
  
"Uh.Lady Kagome. Forgive me, but.did you and Inu-Yasha ever.I m.mean." He blushed, unable to continue, despite his personality traits. Sango glared at him, and raised her boomerang threateningly. Kagome flushed painfully as she began to understand what they were asking. She turned her back on them as she began to tremble. A memory blocked them out of her mind, and she fell into it.  
  
(flashback)  
  
Kagome was aware of his presence as she walked back toward the well. She was still mad, so decided that he wasn't worth stopping for. Besides, she wasn't in the mood for a longer argument. She thought for a moment, whether she should hide and let him pass her. But she knew he would know. She couldn't fool him with something like that, not with his demon senses.  
  
She walked faster, hoping he would take the hint. He didn't. He never did. He would probably follow her through the well if she went through without them finishing their disagreement. Exasperated, she spun to face him head on.  
  
There was no one there.  
  
She retraced a few steps before shrugging her shoulders. She was just paranoid. She turned back, propelling herself forward at the same time. Kagome slammed into Inu-Yasha.  
  
She flailed for a moment, struggling to stand free of the constricting arms. But only for a moment. Within heartbeats she was moving closer, clinging to his robes. Words were not necessary; their argument was forgiven and forgotten as the endless moments slipped by.  
  
Inu-Yasha absently stroked her hair, rubbing the silky strands between his fingers. Despite how often it happened, he still wasn't used to having her this close to him. Perhaps he never would. Her breath seeped through the cloth of his kimono, warming the skin beneath and sending shivers through his body. Without thinking, he lowered his mouth to hers.  
  
Kagome pulled away, gasping with surprise. Trying to keep from shaking, she looked into his eyes to find his emotions. She was drowned by the torrent his heart flooded over her. Her knees gave out, and she slumped against him, unable to pull away.  
  
Then he drooped too, leaning hard against her. She tottered for a brief moment before falling hard on her back. She lay frozen beneath him, watching the clouds drift by in the growing twilight dim. His breath was hot on her neck as he lifted his head to look at her.  
  
"Kagome.I." he spluttered, his face bright red. Kagome stared into his eyes, a roll of fear and hurt twisting in her middle. She gazed deeply into his eyes.  
  
"Why did you follow me?" she whispered, trying to hide her nervousness. His eyes hardened as he pushed himself up off of her body. He paused for a moment, wanting to reverse his action, but knew better from it. She wasn't interested.  
  
"I followed you because I thought that you.wanted an apology," he stubbornly mumbled out. Her hopeful face drooped, stabbing him with guilt. He still knelt over her and he could sense everything about her. Her fear, her disappointment, her arousal.Her arousal?! He leaned closer to her face, feeling her breathing pattern change into a gasping pant as he drew nearer. He touched his nose to her cheek and began to nuzzle her face, her chin, and her neck.  
  
Kagome couldn't move! She tried to take in the air her lungs screamed for, but it seemed so much easier to let her mind drift off. She lifted her arms with effort, bringing them behind Inu-Yasha's neck. Stifling a groan, she held him closer, wanting him so badly. He pushed himself against her, hard.  
  
The kisses flooded both of them in a deluge of passion. Cloth was torn, skin was scratched, hair was pulled in an attempt to feel each other's hearts entwine. Kagome lost herself in the cloud of sensations that fogged her vision. His mouth and his hands were everywhere and she could not grasp that concept. She became limp, a puppet in his arms, and she didn't care.  
  
Inu-Yasha began to lose control of his own emotions. He knew he loved Kagome, and he wanted her so badly. But the demon in him also wanted something. It awakened at Kagome's breathy cries of pleasure. He felt himself slipping into a shadow as the darkness overtook him. Struggling to overcome the demon within, he called her name before letting the force in his blood to take control.  
  
The last things Kagome remembered were that her name was being screamed in her ear and that Inu-Yasha sank his fangs into her shoulder. He entered then, and she whimpered as he took what her virgin body offered, both in blood and in passion.  
  
(end of flashback)  
  
Kagome stood, startling her friends. She turned to them, resolve clearly shining in her eyes. "I need to talk to Inu-Yasha. I'll try to meet up with you later," she murmured as she calmly walked away, leaving her friends to their own shocked curiosity.  
  
Perhaps the dog demon sensed her desire to see him, because as soon as she got completely away from the others, he was there. She jumped, her heart throbbing painfully against her ribs.  
  
Inu-Yasha glared at her, trying to keep his emotions in check. He could smell her longing and see her pulse start to race in her throat. He could have been so tender with her, but the sight of drying blood on her arms kept him from reaching out to her. Instead, he growled at her. "What do you want now?" he snarled.  
  
Kagome had thought she might have misunderstood him before, but now there was no doubt. He was being selfish and heartless, and she wasn't going to stand for it. Holding his cold gaze, she brought her arm smoothly back, coiling her muscles, and then swung her hand, relishing in the loud SMACK of her palm on his cheek.  
  
"You BITCH! What the hell did you do that for?!" He barked at her, holding a hand on his face. He glared at her, his golden eyes snapping with rage and pain. He huffed and was prepared to turn away again when she grabbed his sleeve.  
  
"How dare you?" she hissed, her face red with anger. She shoved her face into his. "How dare you call me a liar and leave me! Let me tell you, that hurt far more than when you cut my arms!"  
  
The hanyou winced at her statement, casting his eyes down to the ground so he wouldn't have to see her eyes or the wounds on her shoulders. He tried to sort out the impulses his instinct was throwing at him. Should her run, mock, or grab her into his arms? He couldn't decide, and he stepped back to clear his mind. He jumped when he felt her hand on his arm.  
  
Kagome looked at him, her anger gone, now only concern rested on her face. She smiled painfully. "So," she murmured, "are you going to stay or run again?" She looked at him expectantly, wanting an answer.  
  
"H-how the hell did you kn." He broke off when she laughed at him. His cheeks turned bright red and he frowned. Kagome took his hand.  
  
"Inu-Yasha, we've been through so much now, I'm surprised you can't read me so easily," she sighed. Her smile was genuine, and he relaxed every sense to try to answer her: would he stay or go?  
  
His concentration was broken when she pressed her tear-dampened face to his chest. He heaved a deep sigh and shook his head. They both knew his answer, and that made it the more painful. Gently, so as not to damage her wounds any further, her pushed her away from him.  
  
Tears filled her eyes and she nodded. Despite the fact that she ducked her head, her heart was on her sleeve. She stepped back and was ready to go wander off in her grief. A clawed hand on her cheek stopped her retreat. She looked up into concerned liquid-amber eyes.  
  
Inu-Yasha smiled gently at her, cupping her face and wiping the tears from her flushed skin. Pulling his hand away and clearing his throat, he stepped beside her. He gently took her hand and tugged her forward. In a quiet voice, filled with regret and resolve, he murmured, "So, shall we rejoin the others?"  
  
She stared at him, a crazed look crossing her face, like she wanted to hold him and kill him at the same time. Her face softened and she squeezed his hand. In her heart, she knew what he was saying; he was staying. But for now, this was all he could offer. Reluctantly, she stepped alongside him. Still hurting, and tired from the fight, she leaned against him. If this was what she would get from him, she would take it with both hands, until he could or would offer something more. 


End file.
